Helpless in front of Amrish Puri!

So I have Mr Office Assistant from the outdated MS Office 2003 in front of me. Will he animate? Can he speak? Will a dialogue bubble pop up above his head with the same thing written “What would you like to do?” I thought I should start it…

Me -	Excu…
Office  Assistant  (OA) -	Don’t open you mouth…you smell bad! A lot has gone inside your mouth when you had a swing in the air. Its better if you seal your lips and listen to me.
Me -	Why should I? Who are you?
OA  -	To listen is to learn. Now know your role and shut your DAMN mouth!
Me - (In my thoughts)	Is he a fan of THE ROCK from WWE???
OA (continues) -	Firstly I will answer your question...this is not WINDOWS! The setting has been done so that you feel comfortable and familiar. I am the office assistant…to GOD. I came in this form so that you instantly recognize me as Office Assistant.  I would be dressing up as Percy Weasley, the assistant to Minister of Magic in Harry Potter, when I meet a Harry Potter fan and so on as per the person I meet.
Me -	From when did GOD start needing assistants?
OA -	What do you mean from "when"? If people like you who start a small business having a turnover of 5 lakhs per annum need office boys, why cant GOD, who manages the whole universe, have them?? And before you say that you dont believe me, Ill prove it to you. Do you remember the girl you saw in Delhi metro wearing blue trousers when you were thinking of the end of this world?
Me - (Astonished)	Yes I do, what about her?
OA -	Nothing, just wanted to tell you I also remember her. I mean to say that I am GOD's office assistant and I know everything. And don’t push my limits, or else I will put forward all the thoughts which come to your mind when you see your neighbor’s newly married daughter-in-law!!!
ME -	Hey no…stop it!!! Ok…Ill listen what you have to say!
OA -	Good…now listen and understand.
Me - (In my thoughts)	He is sounding like Amrish Puri…the scene was the same like in a typical Bollywood movie the villain has the remote control of  a bomb in his hand and he makes the hero listen to him saying that he has been responsible for all the bad fortune of the hero. I was trying to find the option "Hide Office Assistant"
OA - (continues)	First of all, everyone you know or in fact knew…your family, relatives and friends are no more.
He gives a long pause…I am stunned! I cry and cry…can’t believe it. (and unfortunately cannot describe my feelings here). Shall I believe him? If everyone is dead, how did I survive? and why did I survive? Remain posted...