Welcomed by Big Momma

The room inside had a simple wooden table and two wooden chair. The man asked me to seat myself and he took the other chair. He started off –

“Sir, Ill be as straightforward and simple as I can be. This is planet Nasa, or as you people called it Nibiru.”

Nasa??? Was NASA doing a secret project of making a secret planet under their name? These scientist I tell are a really “out of the world” species…anything is possible. Meanwhile he continued,

“As GOD’s office assistant would have told you, you are one of the few surviving persons here on Nasa. We the people of Nasa have lots of expectations from you Earthlings. We were told by OA about how our planet will take your planet Earth’s place and then you will help us develop our lives. We have been specifically studying English for the past 3 months so as to be able to interact with you easily.”

My jaw dropped…who taught them English and from where did they learn it?

“As I would assume, you would be more comfortable with a female escort to give you complete knowledge about our planet Nasa and who we are and our lives.”

Now how did this man know about this trait of me, yes I do easily understand anything if a female is there to explain.

“I will send Angel with you but before that would you like to have rest or get fresh?”

“Sir, please say something”

I had not spoken for long now, the last words I spoke were to the office assistant. I cleared my throat, “Can I have a glass of water?”

“Sure Sir”, he said. “You can directly drink from that water pipe.” And he pointed to a water outlet pipe on my left side wall. “You only need to suck it once”. I did as told and felt relieved when the first drop of cold water reached my throat. After satisfying my thirst, I turned back and said “Thanks a lot, your hospitality is much appreciated.”

“Sir, would you like to visit the recreation room before you meet Angel?”

“No” I said. “I need to solve this mystery first, the mystery of Nasa, the mystery of you people, the mystery of your wardrobe, the mystery of your long hair, the mystery of that fruit and many more mysteries.” 

“Great then Sir, Angel is waiting for you outside. I will meet you soon.”

Right from the time I was flung in the air on Earth, I have met 3 people or I should say 3 creatures, Office Assistant, the young boy and then this man. The one thing common between all of them was that they introduced me to my future with only the “title” and then told me to ask the “story” from someone else. The OA gave the title “New Life on Nibiru” and just left me to find out who will tell the story; the young boy told me about “Earthlings Information Center” and left me with this man to tell the story; and now this man gave me the title “Angel” and now I hope Angel is as beautiful as I can imagine and she leads me into this new life. I open the door and in front me is Martin Lawrence disguised as Big Momma from the Big Momma’s House movie series!!! WAIT...is he or she or whatever…Angel, the one who will lead me into the new life??? GOD...Nasa cant be so bad!!!

More Confusion - Earthlings Information Centre

So after deep and analytical thinking, I could not conclude anything (that’s me…even after having a new life, I was same)! Decided randomly to try and enter the gate. Could not see a lock there, so just had to push through it. The distance between the slide and the gate was about 4-5 feet only, I thought to just push the gate and run back near the slide just to be safe. I was probably acting like a small child but I had no option. 

THUD..I heard a loud noise behind me and as soon as I turned, I saw large feet coming towards me…growing bigger in size as they came closer. I stood there frozen as I saw someone come sliding down, and the feet delivered a punch right on my chest, sending me flying on the gate and right across it…ouch! It hurt me… And then someone gave me a hand and helped me stand up.

“I am sorry Mr. Earth” – a polite voice said. “But common sense says that you should never stand at the end of a slide, be it a water slide, a play slide for children or the PTI slide, I mean the Path to In slide”.

These words were coming from the vocals of slim boy standing in front of me. Height about 5’9” and must be 22-23 years of age and fair color with blonde hair. Wore a skirt like thing, no infact it was a mini skirt only and a small barber gown. Must have just got a hair cut but his hair were long and had a pony tail behind. It seemed he had never cut his hair. Then why this barber gown? and only the barber gown? No t-shirt inside it! He was bare foot but had clean feet. I was still gazing at him, speechless, when he spoke again,

“Sir, I will guide you to the Earthlings Information Centre. It is just there, on you right.” What did he just say…EARTHLINGS INFORMATION CENTRE. What a freaking place could that be??? He started walking and I followed him looking around in astonishment. It was all light here, then why did I see black out from the other side of the door? I turned my head while walking straight and saw that the inside of my entry gate was just covered with a black shield. My fear had made me imagine things, all black out, trap, Hell’s Gate n all. Now I could see a board in front of me, Earthling Information Centre. And swaying my head from left to right I could see other boards as well, Earthlings Waiting Room, Earthlings Rest Room, Earthlings Recreation Room, Earthli…

“Here it is Sir.” The boy told me. Then he knocked on the door, a middle aged man came out…wearing a similar barber gown and a long skirt. He looked at me and instantly had a big smile on his face…probably the smile which an NGO would get when they see a donation cheque. He gave a big half filled jute bag to the boy, who happily accepted it and went away. The gentleman opened the complete door for me and invited me in, “Please, be our guest.” The boy and the man seemed so courteous that I started feeling comfortable and now no more thoughts of “me getting into a trap” were coming in my mind.

The room inside had a simple wooden table and two wooden chair. The man asked me to seat myself and he took the other chair. He started off –

“Sir, I will be as straightforward and simple as I can be. This is planet NASA, or as you people called it Nibiru.”

Nasa??? Was NASA doing a secret project of making a secret planet under their name? Is it actually another planet? I started feeling all this is a joke going around and I am till on earth and this gentleman in front of me is the NASA spokesperson. Thoroughly confused now...

HELL's GATE

I pulled the latch it with all my strength but could not open the door. Then I realized probably I was standing on top of the door itself. I jumped towards the opposite side and then tried again. It started to open, some sought of light coming out which became brighter and brighter as I flung open the door. The door was made of very light wood and measured around 15 by 8 feet. The latch was at the bottom (or could be the top) of the door and that is the reason I was able to open it easily. The bright light seemed to come from a tube light, no it was not a tube…it was a box light (a large box like thing emitting light). The light was so bright that one could not look at it for long to see what was actually emitting light. The box was fitted on the inside of the door, so when I opened the door, the light was throwing up in the sky. 

The cave sought of thing which was below the door was again pitch dark. So now the dilemma, if I wanted to see what’s inside I will have to go in and close the door. A well laid trap! I sat there only, near the open ground hoping something or someone would come out. And then as usual, fell asleep. After complete rest, I woke up and damn shit, my right leg knee down was inside the cave, WOOH! Close one I should say! 

Looked around, nothing had changed. Shall I move ahead or take part in adventure sports? Then I took one of the fruits from my pocket and threw it inside…I heard it fell. But then again no more sound. Ok, lets try it out but I needed to play safe. I tied one end of my belt to the latch and with the other one in my hand, went inside closing the door above me. The light shone brightly and I could figure some ground. I stood there and just few steps ahead was a slide, like a water slide and all along the way were the same box lights which showed the complete path. It was a short one and at the end of it was a gate. I decided to slide down but before that I picked up my fruit…mix of guava and strawberry! Who knows if I would be able to find the tree again or not? And that too if I survive this “out of the world” experience!!!

Here I go, sliding down and then straight in front of the gate.  The roof of this place was about 3-4 feet above my head, 9-10 feet in total. Huge wall was there, with a 4 feet wide gate in between. I could see the wall only about few inches on both sides of the gate; it was pitch dark beyond that. The gate was made of rods, not iron, or steel and neither wood…some thing which I had never touched or seen earlier. Could not see through the gate either, it was all black on the other side. Dark on my right, dark on my left and dark in front…it was like HELL'S GATE!!!  Hell's Gate because I was feeling choked like one would feel when The Undertaker applies his finishing submission move (also called Hell's Gate) on his opponent. 

Shall I go back? But damn shit…how do I go back? The slide was too steep for me or anyone to climb back! I was surely trapped; I hurriedly tried to climb the slide. Clinging on the sideways, falling, weeping a bit as well! I tried and tried but failed. I just realized I was trembling coz of fear, heart pumping hard, sweating…it was like caught in a jungle and that too in the night. I had already uttered the F word n number of times, cursing my self that what made me come inside. The outside world was so beautiful…Oh God!!! Where to go now????

Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath!!!

AND then again the inevitable happened…my mind interrupted my acrobatic act with fear. What if there are snakes up there???  I was hanging in balance and then...the same mind gave a fitting reply back; even if there is a snake up there, the worst that can happen is that its poisonous bite will kill me! Ok, accepted! Anyways I am not looking forward to set up a whole planet!

Then I continue my upward climb. Two branches cross each other, I comfortably settle there. I take a few seconds to catch my breath. Look around, two fruits are there together. It looks like Guava but this doesn’t look like a Guava tree. Guava trees are small; we had one in our neighbor’s backyard where I spent my childhood. Will it be poisonous or shall I give it a try? Let me try it, umm…it tastes like strawberry and is of the same color inside.

Let it be, it is worth consuming at least. I quickly gobbled up those two and then was successful in getting 3 more after climbing one level high.  Rested some time there, kept looking at my watch to see the time, it showed that horizontal line only (9:15). Believe me; it can get really frustrating when you are not able to track the time. However, another frustrating thing was yet to happen…I felt thirsty. It felt like I was at a place even worse than a desert because in a desert you at least hope to find an oasis. But now I have to walk aimlessly into unknown territory! Before descending from the tree, I plucked 2 more fruits to feed my hunger later. If you are thinking why only 2, then let me tell you I had no intention of ball like things poking out of my denim pockets! I am a human being from earth and wanted to look normal…though I don’t even know if any one will ever see me here.

My march continues, at times feeling down, feeling excited, feeling tired and most importantly feeling thirsty! It was like “Agneepath” for me…”Kar Shapath, kar shapath, kar shapath…Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath” and I tripped and fell down! Did I get too lost in the emotions! No, something was poking out of the ground…looked like a small heap of soil! Like a normal reaction, I went there and kicked the soil in the air and ouch!!! It hurt me, there was something metal like beneath it. It was a latch on a wooden board, probably a door and it was open! Woohu…could this be an opening to another world now? A LATCH IN THE GROUND.

TREE=FRUITS=EAT=STOMACH KEEPS QUIET

I saw a tree, wait it’s a TREE!!! Never before had I been so happy on the sight of a tree. I just ran and gave it a big hug…and cried! I had always laughed off the idea of Chipko Movement. I do support the movement, but I thought what’s the need to hug a tree! And probably millions of us think the same, and at times even those who support it fully will not think twice before a cutting a tree if it brings more land under their control. The sight of this tree had bought so many things to my mind. What does a tree do for us?

Fruits to eat; shade from heat or rain; clean air to breath; the tree even lets a house be built on it; it gives wood to make houses, furniture, doors; the same wood even acts as an insulator; the first wheel was also made of wood; the first airplane had a wooden frame; the first boat was of wood; a single piece of wood can save a drowning person, the tree just has too many uses. Never had I realized it…I am sorry tree! You are so much precious to us! Let each one of us also thank a tree and hug it. If tree cutting is necessary, let’s plant more trees as well.

I was still hugging it. It never told me to back off, it never tells anyone. You can be any person, male-female, any religion-caste, human-animal, anything and anyone, tree will always be there. I could feel God inside that tree. Lesson learnt no 1 - the importance of a tree. Will this ordeal teach me many more lessons? Actually wanting it to teach me, teach me the importance of what we have, the importance of god’s gift to us!

After working hard (i.e thinking about how useful and important a tree is to us) I was feeling hungry. I looked up the tree. It had a wide trunk, the branches started from about 8-9 feet from ground. The leaves were lush green and the branches were thickly populated with leaves and some round things, probably fruits. Ok, so I got this equation in my mind

FRUITS=EAT=STOMACH KEEPS QUIET

But couldn’t quite guess which fruit it might be. Looked around, needed a stone or something but the area around me was like the Presidents Estate here in New Delhi. Clean short grass all around. Thought of taking my boot off and trying for an aim. But the sneakers I was wearing were too light in weight. It won’t solve my problem. So do I have to do the thing which I was avoiding…climb the tree!!!

Phew! Tried 3-4 times but couldn’t get a foot hold on the trunk and the branches were too high to get hold off. Then I remembered the ease with which the locals in Goa and Kerala climb the coconut trees with some sort of belt. I had just seen the videos but never tried. I wish mom had never stopped me from climbing Apple trees which are a regular feature in Himachal Pradesh highways if you go to Shimla via car from Delhi. Lesson learnt No 2- you should know how to climb a tree; not only for fruits but at times to save yourself as well.

However, I was too hungry and with the clear fact in my mind that I wont be getting any help, I had to try it. Took off my belt and tried. Tried, tried and tried. And again tried, tried and tried. Finally after 7-8 attempts, I was able to reach half way mark on the trunk. The lowest branch on which I could balance myself was about 2 feet away. Just a little more and I would be there. AND then again the inevitable happened…my mind interrupted my acrobatic act with fear. What if there are snakes up there???  I was hanging in balance and then...

Trust in GOD, but lock your car!!!

I regained my consciousness, had a recall of what the office assistant had told me. Gosh…everything seemed over. I had just lost the battle of life, no family, no friends, no easy life, nothing! I felt my arms and legs have no strength left…why GOD why? Why me? The FEAR OF BEING ALONE hijacked me.

At that time I realized the pain of that boy who would have lost both his parents in an accident caused by drunken driving in a speeding car; I realized the pain of that person who would have lost all his family in a terrorist attack; I realized the pain of the widow who would have lost her husband in a road rage incident in Delhi just because his car brushed the assailants car, after all he had newly learnt to drive the car; I realized the pain of parents who would have lost their kids in the Nithari murders; I realized the pain of the mother who lost her son because the blueline bus driver was in a hurry to overtake her son’s bike; I realized the pain you get when you lose everything and you had done nothing to deserve it, it wasn’t even your mistake that made you pay for it.

I shouted – WHY ME???

At that moment my inner voice told me – WHY NOT YOU?

When we achieve something good in life, we say thank you God, its all given by you only. So why not now, accept everything as a God’s gift. A phrase from Guru Granth Sahib says, “Keti Dukh Bukh Sad Maar, Eh Bhi Daat Teri Dataar” – So many feel the pain of sadness and hunger…all these givings are also by you only My Lord. If you have trust in God, trust him fully. Either he will catch you when you fall, or teach you how to fly.

So I am back on my feet…life has given me a challenge and I need to accept it and show life that I am tough!

Since I am in an open ground and have no directions to follow, I decide to move in the direction where the OA had appeared; probably that is God’s way! The weather is a bit hot, I take off my pullover. One shirt and jeans would be enough for me. The air is clean, light breeze blowing, sun hiding behind the clouds. Could not see anything for a long long distance. Don’t know what time is it. I was hoping to meet the other survivors from Earth, believing that whatever OA said, is true. But this planet must be huge and I don’t know where am I and on which continent. Hope of meeting them any soon just faded away, God would not have planned it all so easy.

I saw a tree, wait it’s a TREE and not tree!!! Never before had I been so happy on the sight of a tree.

Is it actually tree? Does Nibiru also has trees like earth? Could it be a speaking tree? Cautiously I move towards it and then...

7 billion+ - Too large a database to be maintained

OA - (continues)	First of all, everyone you know or in fact knew…your relatives and friends are no more.
He gives a long pause…I am stunned! I cry and cry…can’t believe it. (and unfortunately cannot describe my feelings here)
He doesn’t disturb me for a while, then he speaks
OA -	Now listen to how it all happened. The Nibiru or Planet X or whatever name you humans have given to it, struck your planet Earth and threw it out of its axis and took its place in the solar system. The moment you felt a tornado had come, it was actually Earth being thrown out of its Axis and you were all flung in the air. Everyone and everything on Earth fell from it and got lost somewhere in space. You, along with few others were chosen to come back to life and fall on Nibiru. THIS IS NIBIRU and it has taken the place of Earth, i.e 3rd place amongst your nine planets.
Me -	W H A T???
OA -	You, along with others will start life on this planet. Few "things" from your old world have also been bought here. You need to find them as they will help in your survival. You will find natives of Nibiru here; they don’t understand you or your language. You need to cope with them and help them develop. They are only a handful so you can easily manage.
Me -	What shit are you talking?
OA (doesn't pay any attention to me and continues) -	Remember, take nothing for granted. Whatever you know, no one knows here. No one knows what you are wearing in your feet. It’s alien to them.
Me -	They are shoes…….
OA -	Try and explain them what do you mean by shoes. You can ask 3 questions from me and in quick time. I need to meet other survivors of Earth here as well.
Me -	I am going nuts...cant understand a single thing what you are saying!
OA -	That’s the reason I told you, ask 3 questions and DO IT FAST!!!
ME -	Why are you sounding like a frustrated employee of a big corp.…not happy with your salary and your boss!!! Can’t you be soft-spoken?
OA -	LOOK WHO IS TALKING!!! You guys out there just say that your boss behaves like he is God, my boss is actually GOD. Where do I go and to whom do I complain?
And in a sudden change of feelings, I felt all the sympathy for him. When your boss is actually the GOD he is always right, no matter what you do!!!!
Me -	Are you a man or woman?
OA -	How will that help you??? And anyways, what is man - woman? GOD gave the names Adam and Eve, then why you guys out there gave them so many different names man-woman, boy-girl, gents-ladies etc etc
Me -	Oh sorry!!! But why this catastrophe?
OA -	In simple words, 7 Billion+ was a large database to maintain. We had no intention to upgrade our server so had to Ctrl+A+Delete  all
Me -	What the f***?
OA -	The f***ing thing is that if we would have not done that, the actions of you humans would have led to more painful deaths through drought, floods etc. Be happy that it was done peacefully. And anyways, boss (GOD) decided it so we had no other option!
Me -	But…
OA -	Your 3 questions are over, I am leaving. My advice - keep your eyes open…you will get all the answers.

WHAT and WHY is this happening??? I fainted, probably the first time in my life. Or is this actually life? What shall I call it, life? life after death? life in second world? mission Nibiru? damn what is it?

Please let me know what name would you give to this life???

Helpless in front of Amrish Puri!

So I have Mr Office Assistant from the outdated MS Office 2003 in front of me. Will he animate? Can he speak? Will a dialogue bubble pop up above his head with the same thing written “What would you like to do?” I thought I should start it…

Me -	Excu…
Office  Assistant  (OA) -	Don’t open you mouth…you smell bad! A lot has gone inside your mouth when you had a swing in the air. Its better if you seal your lips and listen to me.
Me -	Why should I? Who are you?
OA  -	To listen is to learn. Now know your role and shut your DAMN mouth!
Me - (In my thoughts)	Is he a fan of THE ROCK from WWE???
OA (continues) -	Firstly I will answer your question...this is not WINDOWS! The setting has been done so that you feel comfortable and familiar. I am the office assistant…to GOD. I came in this form so that you instantly recognize me as Office Assistant.  I would be dressing up as Percy Weasley, the assistant to Minister of Magic in Harry Potter, when I meet a Harry Potter fan and so on as per the person I meet.
Me -	From when did GOD start needing assistants?
OA -	What do you mean from "when"? If people like you who start a small business having a turnover of 5 lakhs per annum need office boys, why cant GOD, who manages the whole universe, have them?? And before you say that you dont believe me, Ill prove it to you. Do you remember the girl you saw in Delhi metro wearing blue trousers when you were thinking of the end of this world?
Me - (Astonished)	Yes I do, what about her?
OA -	Nothing, just wanted to tell you I also remember her. I mean to say that I am GOD's office assistant and I know everything. And don’t push my limits, or else I will put forward all the thoughts which come to your mind when you see your neighbor’s newly married daughter-in-law!!!
ME -	Hey no…stop it!!! Ok…Ill listen what you have to say!
OA -	Good…now listen and understand.
Me - (In my thoughts)	He is sounding like Amrish Puri…the scene was the same like in a typical Bollywood movie the villain has the remote control of  a bomb in his hand and he makes the hero listen to him saying that he has been responsible for all the bad fortune of the hero. I was trying to find the option "Hide Office Assistant"
OA - (continues)	First of all, everyone you know or in fact knew…your family, relatives and friends are no more.
He gives a long pause…I am stunned! I cry and cry…can’t believe it. (and unfortunately cannot describe my feelings here). Shall I believe him? If everyone is dead, how did I survive? and why did I survive? Remain posted...